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Are Destination Weddings Self-Centered?

I have to take my family to my husband’s sister’s destination wedding in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina this year. Destination weddings are the most SELF CENTERED way of being married.

Forget having to pay for a hotel. Forget having to pay for airfare for me, my husband and my two kids. I am a freelancer. I have to give up a week’s pay to pay attention to your special day.

And don’t tell me not to go. I’d be branded as the DEVIL by my in-laws if I skipped this.

Basically a destination wedding is Bridezilla's way of picking your family’s wedding. My sister-in-law is basically saying "Guess what Anderson family . . . you can't take your kids to Disney World. You have to take them to South Carolina for my special day this year.”

The even bigger slap in the face is that my sister-in-law is having a three hundred person reception on Long Island when they get back. So now she’s tied up TWO weekends of my summer.

Thank you Princess. Thank you so much.

Signed,
“Tina”
[Mail to a friend]

Comments made

Assuming the Long Island thing is closer and easier, just go to that. My bro and sis-in-law had their 2003 wedding in Hawaii. They only gave people 3 months notice and I couldn 't go, so I didn't. that was that. They got what they wanted but it also came with some compromises. Forget the Myrtle Beach wedding. Send your hubby and one token child so the fam can't say you didn't try. I am getting married in 18 days and couldn't give one crap who shows, but I already know my bro and sis-in-law won't be there. They think it's payback. I say I get to save $100 on the food cost if they stay way. Ha!
06/24 20:02:34
LOL that's so funny, and I totally feel your pain and frustration. My friend's wedding is next week and I've been dreading for the past year-ever since she sent her invites-. I'm sensing a breakdown before this wedding. FML
06/26 16:20:44
As the father of a bride of a destination wedding, it is totally a 100% selfish act without question. Everyone I have spoken to considers it an act of the "me" generation and it is an embarrisment for the parents and family. A totally rude decision on the part of those who are about to be wed. Consider having the honeymoon at the destination istead. Yea we've heard all of the ramblings about how beautiful the location will be. Bla bla bal. Wake up and realize that these fantisies affect other people and you are not alone in the world!
07/11 13:48:34
Ugh, I don't care so much about the destination wedding if the couple goes off and gets married and then comes home for a reception...I hate it when they invite people. I was supposed to get a trip to Europe as a graduation present when I finished my Master's instead I was dragged to Jamaica for my brother's wedding.
08/05 16:16:15
My boyfriend of 6 years and I are at war because his sister is having a 5 day wedding extravaganza In Virgin Gorda and we have to take out his 401k to go. I think it's ridiculous. We can't afford it, and he thinks I'm a jerk for telling him to miss his sister's wedding. This is so selfish. There goes any trip we may want to take this year.
03/01 21:56:37
it is indeed a very selfish act of the bride and groom and asking your guests to pay for their meals/drinks for an all inclusive destination wedding is the "tackiest" way of doing a wedding. Basically you are asking donations in thousands to have your dream wedding.
03/07 16:16:47
Sometimes it makes more sense, and is actually less selfish, if both families live in different places (and not where you live) and your friends are scattered around the country and globe. Not everyone lives near their families anymore....

We went through considerable expense and difficulty planning a "destination wedding" way closer to where our families and guests lived than where we lived. The place we chose also had multiple lodging options, some very inexpensive, and things for families to do. We did it for them, and tried to choose a place that also meant something to us....

On the other hand, my sister just got married with less than two week notice to her guests (immediate family and closest friends). She got married where she is living, which is 6000 miles away from where most of her family lives. I couldn't go, and I have to say it really hurt me.

So I don't think it's the type of wedding that's the issue, it's how and why people plan it. But regardless, if you don't like the idea of sharing a weekend in a beautiful place with people you love getting married, you shouldn't go. People getting married need the support of their families and friends. It's a big step in life.
04/13 14:24:58
Aside from the fact that weddings are just shameless cash grabs!!

I plan on having a destination/elopement to deter extras from attending the wedding....I think most people do this. They don't want the crazy relatives/in laws to come and it's a nice way to discourage them.

(Disclaimer: My boyfriend and I are in and attending too many weddings this summer and it's making us grumpy because we will not have a free weekend or vacation this summer)
06/03 15:56:47
I agreed to be a bridesmaid in a destination wedding... However, 3 months later I got the invation and it was to a COUPLES resort. The hotel has told me I can NOT come single. I can not even pay for an additional person because you have to go to the restaruants and do everything as a couple at the resort. What the heck am I suppose to do now? Take out all of my savings and pay for one of my "me" generatiion friends to go with me? At that cost, it would be cheaper for me to rent a chapel in our hometown and throw a second wedding for the rest of the families to attend...
06/28 15:22:30
Some Friends are havng a 'destination' wedding. They had set up a 'wedding group' on fb, presumably for guests and the wedding party to share ideas and information about the trip. The wedding invite is for a Wednesday and requires a three hour plane trip. Many guests have children, some uninvited, and are having to leave them with family. The groom to be had posted about some flights from an airports hundreds of miles away from where 90% of the guests live, and their intended flight times and days etc. I posted a link about (cheaper) flights to the airport from the local 10 miles away airport, as I presumed people would find this of use. This is the response I received from the groom(zilla): Evening, took that link down its not that its not appreciated just that were trying to get as many people there for there whole week as possible!! I'm sure they will find deals for different days elsewhere If they want them i just dont want them thrown in their face. Peace out!" Thrown in their face??!? That's a bit rich, and also a bit of a rude thing to say to one of your 'guests' is it not? How am I to reply to this message? Clearly the page is not designed for anyone to share anything that isn't 'approved' so I have removed myself from the group. Really an odd thing, as we are quite close? My husband feels this was also very rude and described it as 'it's MY big day syndrome'. Any thoughts? Am I missing something here?
08/01 11:45:04
Some Friends are having a 'destination' wedding. They had set up a 'wedding group' on fb, presumably for guests and the wedding party to share ideas and information about the trip. The wedding invite is for a Wednesday and requires a three hour plane trip. Many guests have children, some uninvited, and are having to leave them with family. The groom to be had posted about some flights from an airports hundreds of miles away from where 90% of the guests live, and their intended flight times and days etc. I posted a link about (cheaper) flights to the airport from the local 10 miles away airport, as I presumed people would find this of use. This is the response I received from the groom(zilla) “Evening, took that link down its not that its not appreciated just that were trying to get as many people there for there whole week as possible!! I'm sure they will find deals for different days elsewhere If they want them i just dont want them thrown in their face. Peace out!" Thrown in their face??!? That's a bit rich form someone with a wedding ‘page’, and also a bit of a rude thing to say to one of your 'guests'? How am I to reply to this message? Clearly the page is not designed for anyone to share anything that isn't 'approved' so I have removed myself from the group. Really an odd thing, as we are quite close? My husband feels this was also very rude and described it as 'it's MY big day syndrome'. Any thoughts? Am I missing something here?
08/01 11:46:17
Just don't go. Be yourself. These selfish people won't really notice anyways, and if you're other relatives judge you then that's their problem. You are all being "Co's" ie - like the codependent of an alcoholic - you are enabling these stupid acts by participating. Just say you can't afford it and let it go at that.
08/08 19:37:33
My husband's sister chose Telluride, CO to get married - both she and groom's family are all in Chicago area. Telluride has no major airport or hotel chains, everything is a boutique hotel. We'll need to transfer twice to fly there and stay in a boutique hotel while the wedding party all share costs at the resort condo/penthouse where the wedding will be held. It will cost us roughly $1200-1500 to attend, AND we'll have a 3 month old newborn, our first. If we don't go, we'll be written off. The kicker is, since his other sister and my husband and I make "more money" than others in the family, we're expected to be there. Their other younger siblings are encouraged not to come! Kicker is, there's a Chicago-based follow-up party the following weekend! Should we go to Telluride? Or be written off as family members?
09/23 15:19:47
I have to agree with Nancy. There comes a point where you put your foot down, and just don't go. I'm not spending thousands of dollars and spending a week of my vacation time for someone's wedding. I would have no problem telling a bride and groom that because of their selfish choices, I won't be attending their egofest wedding.

Having a destination wedding is a profoundly self-centered act. It means that the bride and groom consider the venue of the wedding more important than the attendees, since some family members and friends undoubtably won't be able to attend.

I just spent three days and $1000 to attend a wedding two states away. That's about my upper limit of time and money that I will spend for a wedding. I would have no problem deflating the ego of a bride or groom
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