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Wedding Gift Calculator

The biggest chore for a wedding guest is to decide how much money to put in the envelope. Not all weddings are equal. Therefore every couple getting married does not deserve the same gift. When giving a gift for a wedding there are many factors you should consider so that you don't look cheap and more importantly so that you don't give too much.

When you give cash is to remember to give it at the end of the reception. This gives you a chance to have fun and look at how much work the bride and groom put into the event. It also gives you a chance to consider how much work YOU put into the event. Remember, its not the gift, itís the thought that counts. If you put a lot of thought into a wedding . . . you should give money.


I start off with a base figure of $75.00.

You brought a date to the wedding.
Add $75.00

You were invited to bring a date but couldn't find one.
Add $25.00

You were not invited to bring a date.
Subtract $25.00

You were not invited to bring a date but brought one anyway.


Add $5.00


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The bride is pregnant.
Subtract $25.00
The bride is pregnant and showing.
(Because there is nothing funnier than a pregnant woman wearing white at a
wedding).

Add $50.00

The bride looks pregnant but you aren't sure if she's pregnant or heavy.
Add $25.00

The bride is not pregnant but you've been telling others guests that she is.
Add $50.00

The bride is pregnant but the groom is not the baby's father.
Add $50.00

The bride is pregnant and you may be the baby's father.
Add $100.00

The bride was pregnant and the baby is now a toddler and was a member of the bridal party.
(Because they had the decency to make sure the relationship was going to last before getting married)
Add $75.00


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This is the bride or groom's second or third marriage
Subtract $50.00


This is the bride or groom's fourth marriage.
(Persistence is its own reward) Subtract $25.00


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Open Bar for alcohol
Add $25.00

Cash Bar for alcohol
(*Ask for a receipt every time you order a drink. Deduct the total amount of money you spent on alcohol. Then put the receipts in the envelope with your gift)

Subtract *

Dinner is served Buffet Style
Subtract $10.00

The reception is a Denny's Breakfast buffet.
Subtract $20.00

Cash Bar for soda **
(**If they charge you for soda at the wedding DO NOT GIVE A GIFT. Immediately,
go to the bride, kick her in the shin and then go home.)

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They hired a band
Add $5.00 for each piece

This is the first time the band has ever played a gig outside of their garage.
Subtract $4.00 for each piece

The band is a "Neil Diamond Tribute" band.
Subtract $10.00


The D.J. or band leader relentlessly tries to get Grandma on the dance floor.
Subtract $2.00 for each attempt

Grandma gives in, goes to the dance floor and breaks her hip.
Add $50.00


The D.J. or band leader can't remember the bride or groom's name.
Subtract $10.00


The D.J. or band leader hits on your date.
Subtract $15.00


Your date goes home with the drummer.
Subtract $20.00


The D.J. or band played "The Chicken Dance," "The Macarena," or "The YMCA".
Subtract $5.00 for each

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You were in the bridal party or given a special role in the wedding.
Add $50.00


You had to rent a tux or buy a dress for the wedding.
Subtract $10.00


Said Tux or Dress is hideous
Subtract $10.00


Aforementioned rented clothing gives you a rash
Subtract $10.00


The dress you purchased can never be worn again.
Subtract $10.00


It is so ugly, your local Salvation Army refuses to accept it when you try to
donate it.

Subtract $10.00


The dress makes you look fat.
Subtract $1.00 for every ten pounds the dress adds.


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You have to give a toast at the wedding.
Subtract $5.00


Toast lasts longer than three minutes
Add $10.00 for each minute over 3


Someone at the wedding volunteers to serenade the Bride and Groom with a song he/she wrote specifically for their wedding.

Subtract $10.00


You serenade the Bride and Groom with a song you wrote specifically for their wedding.
Add $75.00

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