Destination Wedding: Poland
By Thomas J. Kelly
One of my best friends Pete is getting married. He is in love with a beautiful
girl from Poland.
It's bad enough he's getting married.
It's bad enough he's getting married in another country.
It's bad enough I have to take four or five days of my ten vacation days a year to go to this wedding.
But could you find a European country lamer than Poland? The only lamer country in Europe is the Ukraine. That's the country where the Presidential candidates decompose before your very eyes.
Well at least I can be a tourist while I'm going to his wedding. After all, Poland is the home of the Leaning Tower of Pisa, the Coliseum, and the Vatican.
No . . wait . . . that's Italy.
Well at least Poland is home to the best legal marijuana in the world. No . . wait . . . that's Amsterdam.
After the wedding I was thinking of going to see the Eiffel Tower, and then hitting on some women with hairy arm pits. Well, at least Poland has women with hairy armpits.
I don't want to knock Poland. It's home to a rich culture. I can go see where the inflatable dartboard was invented.
The food is amazing. I hear they just got the recipe for ice.
Tasteless Polish humor aside, Poland has one tourist attraction, Auschwitz. The only thing I could think of more depressing than a wedding is a Nazi death camp.
Hopefully while I'm there someone will invade and put me out of my misery.