Let’s face it ladies, if you want him to make it down the aisle, you can’t tell him not to invite his drinking buddies to your wedding.
On the other hand, a boorish testosterone filled guest can ruin a once in a lifetime family event.
So here are some things you can do to keep his surly buddy from doing something obnoxious that ruins your whole wedding.
Give The Friend A Special Role
The rowdy guest may feel less inclined to ruin your special day if they feel like they are a part of your wedding. I found out years afterwards that my friend Mike P’s wife wanted me to the do a reading at her wedding so I would behave.
Have A Pretty Bridesmaid Pay Attention To Him
If the guy feels like he might score, he won’t be focused on making a scene at your wedding. Instead his attention will be divided between getting lucky and ruining your wedding. Plus if he is trying to impress one of the bride’s friends he won’t do anything bad until he knows his chances are ruined.
At my friend Sean A.’s wedding I was so busy hitting on one of his co-workers I forgot to object during the “speak now or forever hold your peace” part.
Have A Pretty Bridesmaid Put Out
If he’s doing your best friend in the coat room he won’t be making an any trouble in the reception hall.
Lie About When The Cocktail Hour Starts
Send the drunk friends special invitations that say the wedding’s cocktail hour starts an hour later than it actually does. That will slow down the rampant drinking. Don’t tell the groom. Blame the lithographer for the misprint.
Divide And Conquer
Keep the trouble makers apart. Don’t put all of his rowdy friends in the wedding party. Don’t exclude all of his wedding friends either. Try not to sit them together. You want to keep the trouble makers as busy as you can and as far away from each other as possible.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. Keep the affair a cash bar till your unruly guest gets sick of your crappy wedding and goes home.
Bury The Hatchet
If you’ve alienated any of his alcoholic friends over the last few years of dating, have one get together with the potential trouble maker before the wedding. Make peace with the potential trouble maker even if you don’t mean it.
Reducing tension reduces the odds he’ll pee on your wedding cake.
Have Your Mom And Dad Be Nice To His Friends
It’s harder to be an ass at a family affair if the people in the family are nice. Make him feel like he’s a member of both sides of the family. Have your Dad mention how many years he had to work to pay for it.
Create The Illusion The Groom Will See His Friends Again
If the groom is going into witness protection after he says “I do” . . . . there’s very little incentive not to puke on Grandma’s lap.
Don’t Be A Bridezilla.
Don’t be another word that starts with a B too. With one exception, I’ve never made trouble at a wedding where the bride was a nice person. The bottom line is the crazier the bride, the more trouble I’ve made at the wedding. I’m not worried about the bride withholding sex. If she wants kids, she’ll have to put out sooner or later.
If you try to be likeable, maybe your fiance’s friends will be nice at your wedding.