Thank You Cards

Do me a favor, if my dad goes to your wedding and gives you a generous wedding gift, don’t tell him you spent the money on something fun.

My dad likes giving generous wedding gifts. He feels like he’s helping you get your life started. What he doesn’t like, is seeing people have fun. He works hard. He saves his money. He doesn’t spend his money on fun so you shouldn’t spend his money on fun.

My parents went to a distant cousin’s wedding this year. He just got a thank you card back which read “Thank you for the generous gift. We used the money to pay for our honeymoon in Mexico.”

I hate to sound like I’m turning into my father but if they spent my money on their honeymoon I would have been mad too. I’ve never been to Mexico. I can’t afford to go to Mexico because all of my friends are getting married and I have to go to their weddings.

Continue reading “Thank You Cards”

Cash Bar At The Wedding?

Rule Number 1: If you can’t afford to buy alcohol for your guests, you can’t afford to have 300 people at your wedding.

I don’t care how great the food is. I don’t care if a bridesmaid makes love to me under the dessert trolley. If I’m at your wedding and I’m sober, I’m going to be mad.

My friend Mike Petrillo was marrying his fiancé Noelle. Noelle wanted to have the entire Eastern seaboard at her wedding.

Continue reading “Cash Bar At The Wedding?”

Thunderstealing (calendar Date Stealing)

According to the Merriam Webster dictionary, stealing someone’s thunder is to prevent someone from having success or getting attention, praise, etc., by doing or saying whatever that person was planning to do or say.

If you book your wedding within 12 weeks before a wedding which will have a lot of the same guests, you are thunder stealing.

There are at least 5 couples I know who are going to think this article is about them. The truth is it’s about my friend Meredith but this is a common problem that affects lots of people.

Here are some guidelines for booking a wedding date: 

Continue reading “Thunderstealing (calendar Date Stealing)”

Getting Married On Siblings Birthday

Here is an email from an IHateWeddings.com reader: “What happens when you sacrifice your birthday so your brother can celebrate his anniversary every year on your birthday? I find that a stab in the back.”

We talk about Thunderstealing a lot at IHateWeddings.com. This is the ultimate case of Thunderstealing. This is a moment of Thunderstealing that is a lifetime in the making.

Here is a new IHateWeddings.com rule: You are not allowed to get married on your unmarried siblings’ birthdays. Especially if it looks like your unmarried sibling will never get married. That means for the rest of your life your spinster sister’s special day will be overshadowed by your anniversary.

And don’t pray for your brother to get divorced. Then instead of your birthday and his anniversary being the happiest day of your brother’s life, it will be the worst day of his life.  

While your family is singing you “Happy Birthday” they’ll secretly be feeling bad for your divorced brother.

Signs You’re A B list Wedding Guest

I think the hardest part of planning a wedding is picking who you want to come to the wedding. Instead of voting people off the island, families have to “vote friends out of the reception.” It’s a hard process, especially for couples having smaller weddings.

But sometimes couples have the reverse problem. After they’ve boiled down the guest list to their favorite relatives and friends the RSVPs start coming in. They start to realize that their most treasured friends and family members don’t want to come to their wedding.

Empty chairs means lost revenue for the bride and groom. Plus there is nothing more humiliating to a young couple getting married than empty tables at your reception. 

It’s at that point Brides and Grooms have to whip out “The B List” and sometimes things get so bad . . . they have to whip out “The D List.”

Here are some signs you were a B List wedding guest.

Continue reading “Signs You’re A B list Wedding Guest”

I Love Weddings dot com?

10 Things That Would Make Me Love A Wedding

I’m always complaining about how much I Hate Weddings. I haven’t hated every wedding I went to. In fact there were a few I liked quite a bit. In an effort to be positive, I thought I would write a post about the 10 elements of a wedding that would make me love a wedding.

Continue reading “I Love Weddings dot com?”

Morals Of IHateweddings.com

The best part about the last version of IHateWeddings.com that my best friend Mike set up for me was readers can leave comments.

I have 200 pages of the best hate mail, death threats, and people saying the meanest things ever. And I love EVERY WORD OF IT.

Some people don’t realize this is a comedy site written by a comedian. So yes I do go over the top sometimes for shock value or a laugh. That’s provoked some strong reactions from the unwitting and the indifferent.

Continue reading “Morals Of IHateweddings.com”

Sunday Night Weddings are Evil

If you’re planning a Sunday night wedding I have an idea for you. Instead of sending out invitations just send out little notes that say I’m getting married but I don’t want you to come to my wedding.

And for the relatives that HAVE to go to your wedding send them a little note that says “I hate you.”

Last month I went to a wedding reception that STARTED at 7:00 P.M. on a Sunday night. I’m usually in bed by 6:45 on Sunday nights. 

Continue reading “Sunday Night Weddings are Evil”